


Say You Won't Let Go

by EmilyBea



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 21:29:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14317524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmilyBea/pseuds/EmilyBea
Summary: CS oneshot where Emma and Killian are partners at the Boston Police Department who have long been attracted to each other. One night of passion caused Emma to run, but this fic covers the reunion. Told from Emma and Killian's POV and filled with fluff.





	Say You Won't Let Go

**_A/N: CS oneshot prompted by a reader who asked for a story from Killian’s POV to the song ‘Say You Won’t Let Go’ by James Arthur. I was very happy to oblige (though I do have a part from Emma’s POV as well), and also very happy to bring in the numerous ‘police officer Killian’ requests you guys have been throwing at me since I finished ‘Steady’ oh so long ago. Plus I really love this song, and it definitely deserves a place in the mixtape. Hopefully this little bit of fluff will make up for how long it took to write this, and in the meantime I hope you all enjoy and thanks for reading!_ **

The trickle of insecurity that ran through Emma Swan’s veins this Monday morning was something foreign to her. She had not felt this level of insecurity and doubt since she was a kid, and certainly not since joining up in the academy and getting on the force. The BPD had become a home for her, a family of people in her precinct who cared about her and who had her back, and despite everything in her past – despite the heart ache and the loss and the feeling like she’d never be enough – she’d survived it all and had turned into a pretty well adjusted person, and a damn good cop if she did say so herself. 

The problem today wasn’t about work though, at least not really. She’d done something this weekend, something she had been tempted to do for years, and it couldn’t be undone now that she’d taken the leap. To put it bluntly, Emma was now terrified. Sleeping with Killian Jones might have been the central theme of every late night fantasy she’d had since first meeting him, but it was not supposed to be her life. He was her partner for God’s sake, her best friend really, and though she’d often wondered if he hadn’t looked at her with more than friendship in his eyes and more than a platonic kind of love in his expression, she never truly entertained the thought. How could she? She didn’t have a romantic bone in her body, or so she’d been told by her ex, and the last thing she wanted was to hurt Killian. He meant everything to her, and honestly if she weren’t so freaking scared that she’d ruined everything between them, she’d admit that that night… well it had been nothing short of spectacular.

Never in her wildest dreams could she have imagined just how right it would feel to be with him. Had there always been that subtle taste of chemistry and connection? Absolutely. But it wasn’t supposed to feel that big or as so all consuming as it proved to be. Emma had felt alive for the first time in forever when she was in his arms, like he’d infused the very essence of what it meant to be happy and whole and free when his lips met hers. And then he’d spent all night showing her half a dozen ways that he was a master in bed the likes of which even her dirties fantasies couldn’t concoct.

Emma blushed – yes, hard-ass Detective Emma Swan blushed – just remembering some of those lustful and delicious details, and if this were a fairytale and she was the kind of person made for happily ever afters she’d want that raw passion and that feeling of love every day forever. Unfortunately that wasn’t her path, and in the light of the next morning she’d realized that. It had broken something pure and hopeful inside of her as she looked at a still sleeping Killian and planned her escape, but she knew it had to be done. So before he woke up for the day and confronted her on their beautiful but fleeting night together, Emma gave him one last gentle kiss right above his heart and took off.

“Everything all right with you, Emma?” a voice asked, startling her from her thoughts in the women’s locker room. She turned to find Belle, one of their civilian administrators looking at her with concern in her eyes. It wasn’t too pronounced, no doubt because Emma was known for being flighty when it came to emotion, but the care and kindness of Emma’s friend was evident nonetheless. 

“It’s fine,” Emma said, knowing the words sounded hollow as she let them slip out. “I’m fine.”

“I don’t think you are, Emma,” Belle said and Emma felt her throat tighten up with emotion as Belle came forward and took her hand. “Look, I don’t know any particulars, but I know something happened with you and Killian.”

“How?” Emma asked, her voice giving away the panic that was setting in at the thought of everyone finding out. 

“He called me looking for you. He was panicked, Emma. Your phone was off. You weren’t home. He didn’t know how to find you and he really wanted to…”

“I drove to Ruby’s,” Emma admitted, essentially telling Belle that she’d known Killian would look but she hadn’t wanted to be found and had gone all the way to New York for the rest of the weekend to avoid him. “I don’t know what happened Belle. I was doing so well pretending I didn’t want him and then… it just happened.”

“Your feelings got the best of you,” Belle said, and Emma nodded. “Is that really such a bad thing Emma?”

“Yes,” Emma answered without any pause or hesitation.

“Why?” Belle asked, really not understanding.

“Because giving in only made me want more, and we can’t have more. We just can’t,” Emma whispered. Belle looked like she was about to speak some more but Emma shook her head. “Look, Belle, I appreciate you trying to help, but I don’t want to talk, okay? It’s just too much right now.”

“Okay,” Belle said easily, pulling out a small notepad and a pen from her pocket that she always kept on hand for incident reports and messages. Emma looked at her curiously as she scribbled something out and hand it to Emma. “You said no talking, right?”

“Right,” Emma said, exhaling a shaky laugh as Belle nodded and left the room. Emma then looked down at the paper finding her friend’s final thoughts.

_You aren’t in this alone, Emma. Trust Killian to make it right. He’ll never let you down._

Even if it felt crazy given all of her past experience, Emma felt the power of that statement, and deep down she did know that Killian was someone who she could trust. Honestly there was no one in the world she trusted more, but that was what scared her. What if he didn’t feel the same depth of emotion and love and wanting that she did? Hell, what if he did?! They were partners, and she didn’t want to give that partnership up but protocol was pretty clear with this: do not sleep with or get romantically involved with others in your precinct. Because of that it felt like Emma would be forced to lose him one way or another. Either they pretended this never happened, or they risk the jobs they’d both worked so hard for. For Emma that risk felt almost worth it, despite all she’d given up to get to this place in her career, but she never wanted Killian to have to choose. The last thing she’d want was for him to sacrifice for her. She couldn’t ask that of him. It was just too much, and the thought of the resentment it could lead to down the line brought tears to Emma’s eyes.

“Enough, Emma,” she counseled herself out loud, knowing no one else was in the room. “No more crying. You just have to get through today and it’ll be fine. It has to be fine.”

She steadied herself with a few deep breaths and decided this was as good as it was going to get. She could do this. She could put on a brave face and pretend she wasn’t reeling inside. She just had to stay strong. She just had to get through that first moment.

Moving from the locker room and back to her desk, Emma did her best to even out her breathing. If the limited attention she received from the others was any indication, she must be doing a better job at hiding how she felt than before, and she grounded herself in that small victory. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all. Maybe this wasn’t an impossible feat and she’d actually be able to get through this all right…

Emma’s heart skipped a beat at the sound of someone coming through the front door of the precinct, and without even looking up she knew that it was him. Killian was here and all of that built up confidence and bullshit she’d been trying to tell herself went out the window. She felt so small in this moment, debating whether or not she should run again, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Instead she glanced up and saw Killian across the way. Their gazes met, and the intensity in his blue eyes was inescapable. 

Emma didn’t know what she expected to see there. Anger, remorse, maybe regret, but it wasn’t this. He wasn’t supposed to be looking at her with no attempt at hiding. He was so obvious, so unabashed in his caring about her, and the determination she saw in his eyes told Emma that despite her fears this wasn’t over. It was so far from over, and she could hardly breathe from the flooding sense of hope that maybe Belle was right, and maybe, just maybe, they would find a way to make this work.

Instinctively, Emma knew that he was trying to make his way to her, but for some reason he didn’t come directly. He was stopped by a few people greeting him good morning and then addressed their Captain, Robin Locksley. It was a brief exchange, more nonverbal than anything else, but the way the Captain looked at Killian gave Emma pause. Something was happening, and she didn’t know what. Yet even if it nagged at the back of her mind, her attention was solely dedicated to trying to seem normal. She tried to focus back on her paperwork, but it was a lost cause and then he was there.

“Emma.”

That was all he said, just her name, whispered more than anything, but it packed so much within one word. He always, _always_ called her Swan here at the station, and the intimacy of his not doing so told her that he wasn’t going to tiptoe around what had happened. She glanced around at everyone else in the room, noticing they all turned away just as she’d looked at them and the sinking feeling hit her stomach. They knew. Everyone knew and this was a disaster. Things were going down hill so fast and she stiffened from the realization. Her eyes darted up to Killian and she tried, God how she tried, to seem unaffected, but it was the hardest thing in the world for her to do.

“Detective Jones,” she said with a crisp tone that sounded less than normal. She expected him to be wounded at her response, and as soon as she’d done it she felt guilty, but when she stood up and met his eyes again, Killian only smiled. It was a small but genuine grin that settled in her heart, thawing out the ice that fear had brought forth.

“I think we know each other a little better than that, love,” Killian murmured before he whispered low enough that only she would hear. “Certainly no one knows the real me as you do.”

It was almost dizzying to have this be his reaction to everything. Emma had braced for so much. She’d anticipated that he might be angry, or sad even. Perhaps he’d have wanted to pretend nothing had happened at all, but this lightness he carried, even if it wasn’t totally settled, was so comforting. He was hopeful in a way she craved being, and the longer he was in her presence the more she felt like maybe she could try. Then he asked her something aloud that surprised her all over again:

“Do you trust me, love?”

Emma nodded immediately despite herself, and that was all Killian needed to extend his hand to hers. She took it after only a second of hesitation, and followed him into the closest interrogation room, wondering what he could possibly have to say, but knowing, even as she tried to fight it, that it would be everything she needed and more. Somehow Killian would make the pain of the past few days go away, and though it seemed impossible, he would find a way.

……………

It was strange to have the single best night of your life followed by thirty-six hours of anxiety and sheer panic, yet that was what Killian Jones had faced this weekend. Finally, after waiting what felt like a lifetime, he and Emma had taken that next step – they’d made the jump from partner to something more, and Killian had never been so happy. In his heart there had only ever been his Swan, and to have her at last in his arms and in his bed had been nothing short of magical. Then the next morning, even before he opened his eyes, he’d known she was gone. She’d run before they could talk this out, before he could say what he should have said the night before: he was in love with her, and he’d always love her no matter what. 

The fact that Emma ran should have hurt him. He should have felt a stab in his heart of rejection or anger, but it never came. Instead he ached for her, and he worried himself into a state he wasn’t proud of. He’d called damn near everyone he could think to, all of Emma’s friends he knew, and only when he’d discovered that she was safely in New York with her friend Ruby could he sleep again. Then it became a waiting game, and in that time he planned how to make this work logistically. If he was ever going to convince Emma to give this a chance and to take a risk when her past had always taught her that they never paid off, he had to have everything settled.

He did everything he could to get there, and then he achieved the perfect solution but still hours remained before he’d see her again. He debated going back to her apartment last night, but he told himself not to rush. Emma was prone to scaring easy, especially in situations of the heart, and he couldn’t risk upsetting her. Instead he remained patient, and then he saw her this morning and all that fear melted away. Whatever happened, Emma and him would be together, of that much he was sure, and knowing that made it impossible not to feel hopeful and happy despite the distress of this past weekend.

“So you wanted to talk?” Emma asked when he’d closed the interrogation door behind them. He turned to see she was all the way on the far side of the room, intentionally putting space between them despite his hope for closeness.

“Aye, love. I felt it important to let you know that I’m not letting you run this time, Swan. Not from me.”

“I’m not running,” Emma said, though her tone lacked its usual confidence and her eyes wouldn’t meet his.

“Aren’t you?” He asked before taking steps forward and ending up in her personal space. Blessedly, she didn’t step away from him. “I get it, love. Friday night was a big change, and honestly I should have handled it better. I never should have let you fear that we’re not in this together or on the same page. Because we are, Emma. I love you – I’m _in love_ with you. I have been since the first moment we met, and I know, despite your being scared, that you love me just the same.”

The range of emotions that crossed Emma’s beautiful face at his confession struck him to the core. The brilliant jade color of her eyes gave everything away, and while there was still trepidation and a tiny bit of fear, the doubt was gone. He could see that she believed him, and all he could do was wait and hope that this would be enough. Emma needed to jump, and to know that if she did, he would always catch her and always be right there to protect her no matter what came.

“Awfully presumptuous of you, don’t you think?” Emma asked finally, and Killian barked out a laugh and took comfort in the small smile that appeared at her lips and then the step she took towards him, her hands coming to rest on his chest. “I mean it was just one night. Maybe it was only a one time thing...”

“Hardly, love. Having tasted happiness with you, there will be no settling for anything else. And what you call presumptuous I call being honest. See I don’t want to wait anymore, Emma. I’ve been waiting for years to have this. Can you honestly tell me you haven’t waited too?” 

Emma shook her head as her eyes flicked down to his lips. She wet her own on instinct, but the sight had Killian biting back a groan. God she was temptation itself. No other woman the world over could hold a candle to Emma Swan, and she didn’t even realize it. She set every standard, in beauty, in brilliance, in kindness and care, but she didn’t understand just how special she truly was, and Killian wanted to spend his life trying to show her.

“But even if that’s true,” Emma said and then amended since she must have seen something in his face, “and it _is_ true, okay, I admit it; it doesn’t change the rules, and I can’t let you sacrifice for me. I know you, I know how you are, and I know you’re probably ready to fall on your sword and give something up for this to happen and I can’t let you do that. I can’t -,”

Killian couldn’t listen to any more of her protests, and the best way he could see to stop them was to pull Emma close and kiss her right there. It took no time at all for her to melt into the kiss too, and that easy acquiescence told him that despite her worries, Emma still had faith. That faith was a strong and lovely thing, and Killian intended to make good on it, explaining his plan when they came back up for air.

“I’m transferring, Swan. It’s simple as that. The decision’s been made and the paper work is in. I report to precinct ten tomorrow,” Killian said. Meanwhile Emma’s hold on his jacket tightened at the words and confusion crossed her face.

“Precinct ten? But aren’t they…”

“Merging with us in two week’s time? Aye, love. But while BPD policy is clear that there can be no inter-precinct dating, the rules get a bit more murky in the case of a merger. In such instances the final decision rests with -,”

“The Chief,” Emma guessed and Killian nodded before bringing her hand up to kiss gently. 

“Aye, Swan. Luckily Locksley is an old softie at heart, and he’s taken some pity on me.”

“Just you?” Emma asked with a laugh as she smiled up at him and Killian nodded.

“Seems I am the ‘lovesick puppy dog’ in this scenario, love. You, meanwhile, were the picture of cool calm and collected. Chief said he only recently realized the feelings went both ways.”

“Really?” Emma asked shocked and from the shrewd look in her eyes he knew she’d sniffed out his slight exaggeration. 

“Well recent is a relative term…”

“Sure it is,” Emma chuckled and then she took a step back and extended her hand much to Killian’s surprise. “Well in that case, it was a pleasure partnering with you Detective Jones, even if you are just a _bit_ too charming and prone to far too much stake-out talk.”

Killian looked at her hand only a moment before raising it to his lips and then pulling Emma back to him and into his arms once more. He felt her breath catch and her pulse quicken, but the look in her eyes was as trusting and ready as he could have ever hoped for, and that meant the world to him.

“The pleasure has been all mine, Detective Swan, and I look forward to our new partnership going forward.”

“You make it sound like we’re getting married,” Emma joked and Killian shrugged slightly, not finding it funny when that was exactly his plan.

“Only a matter of time, love.”

“Let’s take this one step at a time,” Emma placated. “I’ll start – I love you, Killian, and I promise I’m not running. I’m not letting go of this, or of you.”

“Good,” Killian murmured as his thumb traced her lips. “Because I love you too, Emma. In far from a ‘one time thing’ kind of way.”

The two of them sealed this happy moment with one last kiss, but it was interrupted by a series of beeps and then the sound of voices through the intercom.

“Finally!” Belle’s voice said. “Took you two long enough.”

“It’s called a slow burn for a reason, Belle,” one of their fellow officers who went by Tink replied and Killian himself had to bite back a grin at that. 

“Oh god,” Emma whispered as her and Killian’s eyes darted towards the two way mirror and then a flip was switched from the other room and their little audience was revealed. There, crowded together, was half of the precinct including Chief Locksley who though he had his arms crossed looked highly amused.

“Hate to break this up, but there is actually patrolling to do today, Detectives, and there’s a staff meeting in two minutes. Last day or not, can’t be late Jones.” 

“Yes, Sir,” Killian replied, continuing to hold Emma’s hand as the Chief corralled the others out of the viewing area giving them one final moment. “Still with me, love?”

“Always,” Emma responded.

And with that final promise, Emma and Killian set out on a new kind of adventure, one defined by their constant choice to hold onto each other close and to never let go of the love they’d found together.

…………..

_I met you in the dark, you lit me up_

_You made me feel as though I was enough_

_We danced the night away, we drank too much_

_I held your hair back when_

_You were throwing up_

_Then you smiled over your shoulder_

_For a minute, I was stone-cold sober_

_I pulled you closer to my chest_

_And you asked me to stay over_

_I said, I already told ya_

_I think that you should get some rest_

_I knew I loved you then_

_But you'd never know_

_'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go_

_I know I needed you_

_But I never showed_

_But I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old_

_Just say you won't let go_

_Just say you won't let go_

_I'll wake you up with some breakfast in bed_

_I'll bring you coffee with a kiss on your head_

_And I'll take the kids to school_

_Wave them goodbye_

_And I'll thank my lucky stars for that night_

_When you looked over your shoulder_

_For a minute, I forget that I'm older_

_I wanna dance with you right now_

_Oh, and you look as beautiful as ever_

_And I swear that everyday you'll get better_

_You make me feel this way somehow_

_I'm so in love with you_

_And I hope you know_

_Darling your love is more than worth its weight in gold_

_We've come so far my dear_

_Look how we've grown_

_And I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old_

_Just say you won't let go_

_Just say you won't let go_

_I wanna live with you_

_Even when we're ghosts_

_'Cause you were always there for me when I needed you most_

_I'm gonna love you till_

_My lungs give out_

_I promise till death we part like in our vows_

_So I wrote this song for you, now everybody knows_

_'Cause now it's just you and me till we're grey and old_

_Just say you won't let go_

_Just say you won't let go_

_Just say you won't let go_

_Oh, just say you won't let go_

**_Post Note: So there we have it. Another mixtape chapter in the books and I for one had a lot of fun with this one. I always enjoy a modern AU, and obviously I am a big fan of the whole expressing your feelings thing. How many ‘I love you’ moments have I written for CS in this series? It’s gotta be like fifty at this point, right? Anyway thank you all so much for reading and I hope that you enjoyed and you have a lovely rest of your weekend!!_ **


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